thexfiles:

i’m mentally ill too but fucking listen to me here. you need to take responsibility for your actions regardless of whether or not they’re a product of your mental illness. you don’t get to manipulate, gaslight, take advantage of, or straight up abuse people because you’re mentally ill! you don’t! what the fuck! why are some of you still thinking it’s okay to say things like “manipulation is okay because i have _____ and need attention from my significant other” oh my god. Don’t fucking do that

Dear Lance Thai, narcissist abuser and rapist:

reygf:

psychological thriller: the man was LYING the whole time!
me: i know

I haven’t been on here in a while. But hey, remember that guy I posted about semi-regularly? The one I was dating and then not-dating? Earlier this year he confirmed several times through text and in person that we were exclusive, monogamous and that he had no other romantic commitments. Just “work” 24/7.

Turns out he was lying. But if this was simply a matter of infidelity, I wouldn’t care that much. Even though infidelity and putting your partner’s sexual health at risk, while repeatedly lying and gaslighting them about it, is still abuse.

I was just going through my old posts about him, when I was naive and the relationship was new. You only have to go through this archive to see what I felt.

http://visualheresy.tumblr.com/tagged/%3C3

I was vulnerable at the time, reeling over my grandmother’s death, so of course I was an easy target for him. This was November two years ago. He had just started working at Redyref.

I was lonely and afraid and grieving. His presence was comforting at first.

For him, I was a dirty secret. The secretary at his day job he would fuck every now and then, to have a little fun with. I went along with it in the beginning, trusting his stories about his ex-lovers and mother issues and how he couldn’t do a traditional relationship because of his terrible work-life balance.

Other things he told me: That he got off on the control, telling me what to do, making me obey. He said he wanted to break me.

He mentioned nothing about having a long-term girlfriend. My heart breaks for her too, because he wasn’t honest with her either.

He had plenty of stories. I am not sure anymore which ones were true. He was homeless for a vague period of time. One of his friends got shot and died in his arms (he said he he never told anyone *that* story before, just me). His ex cheated on him with 6 men and owned 6 phones, one for each lover. He couldn’t use the word “love” because he didn’t want to lump me in with his previous girlfriends, because I was “special” and so he’d say “I adore you” instead. His aunt died. His uncle hanged himself. His car blew up. He was mugged in Paterson while taking a walk at 4am. For all I know, each one is a lie. And that doesn’t cover everything. He is a pathological liar.

In some of those posts of mine, I see that part of me that was suspicious about what (in this case, WHO) he might have been hiding. But I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Despite my intuition screaming at me over the years, HEY. THIS IS A RED FLAG. LISTEN TO YOURSELF.

Yes, I loved him. I cared about him deeply. I don’t believe Lance is a terrible person, just a terribly wounded person who is not psychologically equipped to deal with those wounds. Someone who hurts people to avoid dealing with his own hurt.

Then again, I’m an empath so of course I would see it that way.

Still, I want nothing to do with him anymore.

I hope the other women he has under his control (and trust me, there ARE other women) realize the truth and cut him off as well.

One day, this will get better. The anxiety, the trauma bond, the PTSD, the nightmares, the hypervigilance. I will be okay. In many ways, karma is delivering so much fortune into my life and I couldn’t be more relieved and grateful. I’m learning how to be good to myself again. I know this will take time.

If you need to reach me:

instagram - @rukittie
fightfayre[at]gmail.com
twitter - @itangeishatrash